It should be funny, except it isn't. It's hilarious.

Over a week ago, a former action star, Jon Regalla (not his real name), was visiting his friend in a subdivision (rumored to be somewhere near my place) and was stopped at the gate by the guard on duty. It was already 1:30AM. As it was standard procedure, the guard asked Mr. Regalla for his driver's license and tried calling up the person whom he wanted to visit. Here's the problem: Mr. Regalla claimed not to have a driver's license and the person he wanted to visit wasn't picking up the phone. Simply put, he couldn't enter the subdivision so the guard stuck to his responsibilities and simply kept him waiting the whole time while he kept dialing for Mr. Regalla's friend.

Frustrated by the long wait (not to blame the man), Mr. Regalla then introduced himself. Here's how the conversation went inside my head:

Jon Regalla, action star: I'm Jon Regalla.
Security Guard: I'm sorry sir, but I do not know you.

The stories started to conflict here. The guard's account went that Mr. Regalla, former action star, went ballistic and drew a gun at him before proceeding to flauntingly flurry a few furious fistfuls at the hapless guard. (According to other unconfirmed reports, he then met a dancer being harassed by burly thugs at a night club before he single-handedly took down a corrupt politician's army of henchmen. He suffered a bullet wound to the leg and, with the dancer, lived happily ever after).

The guard's retort must have been quite a blow to the former action star's ego... after all, his body of work does include the venerated classics, Boy Kristiano and Askal. It's also not possible for any living soul to be unfamiliar with his name at all when he falls somewhere between Jeric Raval and George Estregan Jr. in the grand pecking order of Robin Padilla spawnlings (it should be noted that Jeric Raval's claim to fame was an historic joke during the 90s (you know, Dr. Jeric Raval), where he became the J.R. of choice over our esteemed J.R.).

Mr. Regalla, aptly donning a cowboy hat on national television, stated that he never actually did physically assault the guard. He claimed that he was merely driving without a license (nothing wrong with that, of course) and that it was the guard who overreacted by drawing his service firearm (it is a scientific fact that all security guards are trained to shoot visitors who, when entering a subdivision, fail to present valid identification). He also added that he wouldn't think of hurting 'little people' when these 'little people' constitute his fan base (which by inference, should also be little). Credibly backed by unforgettable turns in Totoy Buang and Cesar Hudas, Mr. Regalla ably convinced not only his little fan base during his short guest stint but also the rest of the viewers who were not on drugs.

Mr. Regalla is currently facing a lawsuit (sample link). There won't be much action to be seen hereon, I think, although it's already shaping up to be a pretty promising comedy.

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