Having nothing interesting by my standards to write about and hoping to finally post a personal update, I will try to transcribe as best as I can my customary best man's toast to Dodge and Anna's wedding. For sure, it won't be written word for word, and although I won't be editing anything, I might remember things differently (spastic memory and bad nerves).

I already transferred most of my hand-written (i.e. written on my palm) notes onto paper and I think that, for the most part, they were still comprehensible. It proved to be no small feat, though, as the shorthand that I wrote it in didn't qualify as shorthand so much as squigglehand. After seven or so washings, the squigglehand outline was also already starting to look like something written in a dead dialect (this despite my best efforts to avoid visiting the men's room repeatedly).

It was hardly an impromptu speech, as I have been warned about this the moment I conceded to Dodge several months ago. I was, however, coming up with stuff to say until the last moment, not because I wanted to keep things updated to the very minute but because I kept changing my mind. I was unsure about all the ideas I had because while I had no problem with speeches, I had a big problem with public speaking. It did turn out ok though, thankfully. The nerves would have gotten me though had it not been for Crish and Jinno, the two shameless but able-bodied hosts and Noee, the designated wedding singer (whose song is the greatest gift of all).

Anyway, more than being a personal update, this entry celebrates Dodge and Anna's wedding. I'd say something here, but I'm hoping the following would be more appropriate.


Thanks, Jinno, for the introduction. I'd like to take this moment to introduce Jinno because he's been taking care of introductions all this evening and I think it's only fair for me to introduce him properly. Jinno's a pro. You can ask him about his going rate later. You can book his services and he's willing to do most functions [even those of the bodily kind]. He's a pro.

Anyway, good evening everyone. My name is Ronan and apparently, I'm the best man for this occasion. As best man, I'm tasked with two basic things and Dodge (as well as his dad) was pretty strict regarding the first one. He told me that as the best man, I'm supposed to try my best to look less interesting than the groom at all times. I am trying my best, but I'm really sorry because I think I'm failing miserably. Anna, on the other hand, was pretty straightforward about my second task. She told me that I'm supposed to come up with something to say in front of all you and finish what she called a 'toast.' It's something that I have been doing for the past minute or so, and I'm hoping that you guys have been noticing because I'm afraid that I'm also failing at this miserably.

I'm not really familiar with toasting, and for all I know, a toast is just a speech where I get to hold a glass for its entire duration. Here's what I'll do though... I'll start with the really basic stuff: congratulations, good luck, more power, thanks for guesting me, etc. From there, I can go into a more personal angle and tell you guys just how I personally know Dodge and Anna, when and how I met them, etc. If time will allow for it, I will even get into the embarrassing stories and make the couple sorry for even choosing me as best man.

Anyway, congratulations Dodge and Anna. You've finally taken the next step in your relationship and formalized your union. As husband and wife, you're now recognized by God through His Church and also recognized by city hall, for what it's worth. You might be required to pay more taxes or less, I'm not sure, but congratulations nevertheless.

I like to thank you both for actually inviting me to this affair. Not only for making me a witness, but for letting me be involved by playing a part in this momentous occasion. I haven't really ever experienced being a best man in my life. Generally speaking, I haven't really ever experienced being the best at anything in my life. It's sad, really. Now however, I can actually say that in this entire room, I am THE best man. I have until the evening ends to relish the thought, so I'll say it once more: I am THE best man in this room.

I first met Dodge and Anna when I joined Headstrong more than two years ago. Actually, I have already left the company about a month ago, but I just want to give you guys a basic idea about my relationship with Dodge and Anna. With Dodge, I'm afraid it's rather complicated: he's my boy. Whenever I got the psychotic urge to get out of the office, it's usually Dodge who I went to. We'd go to Glorietta to check out the new toys. Weekly we'd go to our comic store to buy comics. Sometimes, we'd even go as far as Greenhills for toys and comics and shawarma. I realize that I shouldn't have just told you that because I can see my two bosses over there putting on their angry faces. I'm sorry, good sirs, but I'm not anymore answerable to the two of you and I already received my last paycheck. You can deal with Dodge next week, however, but please be nice to him. He did after all invite you to his wedding. With Anna, it's less complex. Given the unique hierarchy in the office when I left, I was actually working directly under her. In short, she was my boss. You'd have to appreciate the situation that I was in, conflict of interest and all that. It felt, for most of the time, like having Dodge whispering in my ear and Anna doing the same to my other ear. Dodge, my proverbial partner-in-crime, would go, "Greenhills... comics... toys..." while my boss Anna would be like, "Renen please don't be late for the meeting tomorrow. We have a new project starting." Figuratively speaking, it felt like having an angel and a devil sitting on my shoulders. And what can I say, Anna's a heavenly creature. She's divine. She's an angel. Dodge, on the other hand... he's... eh... also an angel. You'll just have to look real hard, past the horns... and the tail... and the hooves... and leather wings... he's an angel.

I'm not really driving at anything here. I just want to point out that at first glance, especially to those who do not know them personally, Dodge and Anna may seem like a very unlikely couple. Some people might term it 'accidental,' while some will call it magical. Regardless, they do make an excellent and lovely couple. They're a beautiful couple, and hopefully this beautiful couple will have beautiful children, raise a beautiful family and have a beautiful life. Soon, we will be seeing little Dodges and little Annas and not so little Dodges and Annas... God willing, more little Annas (you know, angels).

I'm afraid that I've already used up most of my time, so please forgive me if I do not go into the embarrassing details anymore. After all, I think I've already embarrassed myself enough.

Let's just do this. Everyone, please raise your glasses, cups, goblets, catheters or whatever it is you drink out of. I'd like to come up with something as inspired and as inspiring as Fr. Jerry's homily but I just don't have enough pockets on my person. I also couldn't find a pair of oyster shells on such short notice, and I think tahong shells just wouldn't be as effective. They also wouldn't be as appropriate, so I'll just keep it short, simple and hopefully, sweet. Congratulations again, Dodge and Anna. May your lives be blessed, and more importantly, now that you're a married couple, may your life be blessed.

[Here's where I forget to say cheers, but you guys know the drill better than I do.]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -