Wednesday, August 24, 2005 A.D.
Plural Arrangements
I finally understood several years back what LOL means, but can someone please explain to me what LOLS means? Worse, what is LOLZ?
I often wonder why some people are under the delusion that adding an 's' after a word can make the word cooler. It doesn't. What I do know however, based on what my English teachers told me in elementary, is that the added 's' is usually used to pluralize a nouns or give a verbs its singular forms. It's all about the subjects-verbs agreements, and it is imperative for peoples to make subjects and verbs agrees because subjects-verbs disagreements usually ends up in very emotional episodes prone to subjective points of view and verbal abuses (very sad).
Anyways, the needless pluralizations can get somewhat annoying, as in the case of anyways, which isn't even a plural version of anyway (adverbs do not have plural forms). It's not really a fancier version of anyway anyway, even if we like to think it is, but means very much the same as anyway. The archaic form is anywise, but we don't use that word much anywise.
The grammar police, goode purveyors of the Queen's English, have since developed stringent counter-measures against this form of abuse, which, given their rather limited grammatical imagination, they have termed S-abuse. The professional moralist bloc objected to the term, as they believed the 'S' to actually be a veiled, exotic reference to a variety of S-words that they find offensive, such as spelunking. They believe spelunking to be an inappropriate euphemism for some dirty deed (done dirt cheap), and when told that it actually means the exploration of caves, they consequently objected to the improper usage of caves because it might rhyme with something tasteless that will corrupt the witless young.
The grammar police are right to be concerned with S-abuse, especially if they were to look at Friendster, particularly at people's varied musical interests. Invariably, they will see therein listed (in no particular order except perhaps the resulting degree of annoyance): acoustics, alternatives, and different musics.
(My dears, acoustics refers to the branch of physics that deals in sound and related phenomena (I would also like to refute the validity of the acoustic genre, but that is beside the point). Furthermore, alternatives simply means choices, and however eclectic you like to believe your musical taste to be, you cannot listen to different musics.)
Of late, S-abuse cases have grown much worse that an offshoot culture somehow developed from its twitching zombie corpus. Enter Z-abuse.
The grammar police still regard S-abuse cases with a certain amount of sympathy, as S-abuse is still considered a gateway practice. Z-abuse cases, however, are beyond rehabilitation. They're hardcore, like alphanumeric heroin users speaking the language of bees. Think: acousticz, alternativez, and different musicz. The letter Z, at itz career zenith, is secretly celebrating itz promotion from being one of the most uselezz letterz in the alphabet to being suffix du jour. On the other hand, X is still sulking, being comforted by Q.
After meeting with the grammar police, we have agreed to set into motion a counter-counterculture. In the new scheme, trailing S's and Z's will be banned from all usage. All instance will be properly removed by the authoritie, who will be going around carrying copie of unabridged Oxford dictionarie, the better to physically molest arrested violator with. First offender will get off with stern warning and with writing "acoustic, alternative, and different music" 9999 time on 3 sheet of A4 paper. Second time offender will receive a fine of 9999 peso and thirteen lashe of a Bamboo cane (i.e. a pretentiou cane singing "socially relevant" song). Third time offender (and subsequent repeat offender) will be hanged, drawn, quartered and re-quartered (i.e. sixteened) then put back together to be guillotined and disemboweled then resurrected as a bullfrog. Professional moralist have objected that these punishment are rather on the harsh side. If one look at it, however, they are not harsh at all, because for the longest time, these violator have been getting away with murder.
Laterz.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I often wonder why some people are under the delusion that adding an 's' after a word can make the word cooler. It doesn't. What I do know however, based on what my English teachers told me in elementary, is that the added 's' is usually used to pluralize a nouns or give a verbs its singular forms. It's all about the subjects-verbs agreements, and it is imperative for peoples to make subjects and verbs agrees because subjects-verbs disagreements usually ends up in very emotional episodes prone to subjective points of view and verbal abuses (very sad).
Anyways, the needless pluralizations can get somewhat annoying, as in the case of anyways, which isn't even a plural version of anyway (adverbs do not have plural forms). It's not really a fancier version of anyway anyway, even if we like to think it is, but means very much the same as anyway. The archaic form is anywise, but we don't use that word much anywise.
The grammar police, goode purveyors of the Queen's English, have since developed stringent counter-measures against this form of abuse, which, given their rather limited grammatical imagination, they have termed S-abuse. The professional moralist bloc objected to the term, as they believed the 'S' to actually be a veiled, exotic reference to a variety of S-words that they find offensive, such as spelunking. They believe spelunking to be an inappropriate euphemism for some dirty deed (done dirt cheap), and when told that it actually means the exploration of caves, they consequently objected to the improper usage of caves because it might rhyme with something tasteless that will corrupt the witless young.
The grammar police are right to be concerned with S-abuse, especially if they were to look at Friendster, particularly at people's varied musical interests. Invariably, they will see therein listed (in no particular order except perhaps the resulting degree of annoyance): acoustics, alternatives, and different musics.
(My dears, acoustics refers to the branch of physics that deals in sound and related phenomena (I would also like to refute the validity of the acoustic genre, but that is beside the point). Furthermore, alternatives simply means choices, and however eclectic you like to believe your musical taste to be, you cannot listen to different musics.)
Of late, S-abuse cases have grown much worse that an offshoot culture somehow developed from its twitching zombie corpus. Enter Z-abuse.
The grammar police still regard S-abuse cases with a certain amount of sympathy, as S-abuse is still considered a gateway practice. Z-abuse cases, however, are beyond rehabilitation. They're hardcore, like alphanumeric heroin users speaking the language of bees. Think: acousticz, alternativez, and different musicz. The letter Z, at itz career zenith, is secretly celebrating itz promotion from being one of the most uselezz letterz in the alphabet to being suffix du jour. On the other hand, X is still sulking, being comforted by Q.
After meeting with the grammar police, we have agreed to set into motion a counter-counterculture. In the new scheme, trailing S's and Z's will be banned from all usage. All instance will be properly removed by the authoritie, who will be going around carrying copie of unabridged Oxford dictionarie, the better to physically molest arrested violator with. First offender will get off with stern warning and with writing "acoustic, alternative, and different music" 9999 time on 3 sheet of A4 paper. Second time offender will receive a fine of 9999 peso and thirteen lashe of a Bamboo cane (i.e. a pretentiou cane singing "socially relevant" song). Third time offender (and subsequent repeat offender) will be hanged, drawn, quartered and re-quartered (i.e. sixteened) then put back together to be guillotined and disemboweled then resurrected as a bullfrog. Professional moralist have objected that these punishment are rather on the harsh side. If one look at it, however, they are not harsh at all, because for the longest time, these violator have been getting away with murder.
Laterz.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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